To Whom it May Concern,

Today I have distinguished pleasure of dictating to you the assurance and certification that this Joe is of the utmost excellence and truly an amazing example of a remarkable human being. If you could imagine combining the awesomeness of a ninja with a pirate then adding internet cats, jedi powers, and a cacophony of explosions that would make Michael Bay cry tears of joy (and a decent amount of whiskey) you may start to gleam the epicness that is Joe. His casual devil-may-care attitude masks his passion, but do not worry, it is still very apparent in his musical choices, the events he attends and the people he keeps company with. To think of it as an honor to be in his presence is to do him insult as it is more of a God-like glow that emanates from him and such reverence that would given to such a diety should be observed. If you have been selected to engage Joe in social activity it speaks highly of your caliber. Congratulations on your great achievement, one that will surely serve you well in coming years.

Blake E. Morse the third esq.
Written, not dictated